i guess i just like the idea of public acknowledgement spritzed in friendly competition, draped in silk chiffon and sprinkled with a heaping teaspoon of utter bullshit. why else would i be into watching the oscars? it’s certainly not because i saw all of the films and was so moved by certain ones that i just simply had to tune in to see if my favorites received praise. i saw the black swan and only the black swan. there were some good performances and some lovely costumes and it was interestingly shot. it was also incredibly annoying. after watching the awards last night, i would like to see, not the king’s speech, but the fighter.
let’s call a spade a spade here. we watch this shit for the dresses and to see if anyone falls in their dress and to see someone cry or curse or do both in their speech. if this were a sporting event for fashion voyeurism, the pre-game tailgate portion would be the red carpet. we watch the red carpet to see the dresses in all of their glory. full length shots with hair and makeup and jewelry and accessories. sometimes in slow motion and now in 360 degrees slow motion thanks to E! television. i feel like i suffer from some kind of fashion designer mental illness that requires me to watch the red carpet and somehow muster up the strength to care about what the stylists of the actresses got paid to pick out the jewelry that the actresses get paid to wear. i liked the oscars much better before i knew what actually went into appearing on a red carpet.
i went to the emmy awards one year when i was marginally relevant. it was certainly exciting, but something in me soured while standing in line to walk the red carpet. somewhere in between some actress who i can’t remember her name with a hairy face and portia di rossi in an open back yellow dress which exposed her spine, i had the realization that this didn’t feel the way it looked on tv. it didn’t help that i watched 2 of the 50 photographers in the pit taking photos mouth to each other “who is that”? when I was standing there…posing. i could feel my facial expression go from “wow this is pretty cool…there goes conan o’brien” to “i wish i were in lehman pennsylvania watching this on tv in sweatpants in a fetal position on the couch at my mothers house”.
as far as being excited by the dresses. i just feel like the spark is gone for me and i know why. why? its pretty simple really. no one has fun and no one takes risks. these women live in such fear of being on the “perceived” worst dressed list and having their image splashed across the rags at the check out aisle of the grocery store that they sacrifice looking different to look like (yawn) hollywood glamour barbie. it’s really sad to me as there are incredibly cool and unconventionally beautiful dresses out there that could really grab headlines for making an actress look, god forbid, interesting. here is who i blame. we the people who inherently want to criticize. the stylists and the publicists who think they work in the best interest of the actress. the media who feeds off of even a hair out of place and kelly osbourne who i guess now is a fashion spokesperson and critic and i’m sure soon to be fashion designer because that’s how it works.
i do understand that there are actresses out there that maybe are a little boring and need help but i think there are probably some freaks out there who probably want to look, well freaky. i am also sure that there is an actress or 2 or 3 who wants to wear sweatpants to these kind of things and i am totally in support of this. in fact…i welcome it. at least it would be interesting!
my favorite moment from the oscar red carpet was helena bonham-carter’s response to being asked about her red carpet fashion reputation. she said that she doesn’t concern herself with fashion. she works with her costume designer to make costumes because she’s an actress.